So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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