careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Randomize
