sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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