Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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