Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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