I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
