I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
