I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
