Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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