She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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