Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
