maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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