you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Someone shit on the floor
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
