I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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