Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
