Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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