Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
