Apparently you make a good broom.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
