where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Randomize
