Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
