think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
50% drunk capacity currently
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
