I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
