Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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