He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
