clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
