she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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