im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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