don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize