Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
