Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
