I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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