well I can't set my house on fire every night
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests š
You couldnāt remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders āunlimited hand frittersā if they wouldnāt cut you off.
Randomize
