help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize