Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
