3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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