Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
