A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
