Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
