1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize