this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
