He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
