i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
my sisters under your porch take her home
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
