i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
