Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
