Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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