i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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