I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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