So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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