Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I fill condoms, not promises.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
