this just has baby written all over it
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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