K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
