Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
one might say we're banned from that church
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
