At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
is wine microwaveable?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
