Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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