Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
