How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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