I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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