Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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