Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize