Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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