You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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