i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize