I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize