how can u be prego again
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
3pm strippers are depressing
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
