I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
And then my night got REAL pukey
you made out with another girl for some wings
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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