I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
