when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
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