He is such a slut. More and more my type.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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