i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
