MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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