mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
