First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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