the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
