Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
