Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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