I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
