Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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