I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
