Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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