this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
