it was like a zeppelin in a condom
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
