i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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