dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Randomize
