i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Pants are for mortals
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
