TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
