1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
