no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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