We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
