She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
